Farm Assets

This is my first blog post, so I’m just going to go with the flow and let the words tumble out.  When I am writing in my private, handwritten journal, the words seem to flow from my mind to my hand faster than I can actually write.  Using my laptop feels awkward.  Not only do I type faster than the computer wants to place letters on my screen, my ‘A’ key is missing so there is only a tiny white nub of rubbery plastic there where a nice, flat black key used to securely sit.  My finger can barely hit that tiny little nub and it is getting on my OCD nerves, so much so that I’ve already used too many words describing this irritation. My adult onset ADD says to keep pursuing that topic, but I refuse.  My spouse is sitting at the next desk and wants to know if I am writing an award winning, million dollar story so that we can live the good life.  I’m inwardly smirking at that.  He’s playing the computer game Civilization  while I, wearing my cozy florescent pink plaid PJs, sit cross legged in one of the very nice diamond patterned arm chairs that my beautiful mother-in-law found at a garage sale before giving them to us. They are huge.  I’m thankful for them. Not only are they pretty, but receiving the set of four actually forced me to clean up our front room so they’d fit in the house.  Even if they had been hideous, which they are decidedly not, there’s a saying: “Never look a free mule in the mouth.”  That’s what I’ve always heard.  For you city types that might be interested, a free mule might be 24 years old as evidenced by his teeth, when he was given to you with the promise that he is only 10 years old.  If you actually have to fork money over for the thing, be sure to look in its mouth and check his teeth. This brings my wandering pen… I mean keyboard…to the main point of this post. We have an old jack out in our pasture.  No. Not a car jack or whatever type of Jack might enter your mind. We have a donkey….a male donkey. His name is Timmy.  Timmy was free.  In fact, I think the elderly man who gave him to us might have paid us to take him if we had insisted.  The day he brought him over, he backed up that trailer with the expertise of a NASCAR driver, let Timmy out into our pasture and then took off before I had a chance to change my mind about having a literal ass on my farm.  I don’t trust Timmy at all.  He is a rough looking, course haired, wary-eyed, uncut (still has his balls) jack who is constantly whirling his rear around into the perfect kick position.  A city friend and his wife came to visit us, and she informed him that Timmy was the ugliest horse she had ever seen.  Looks aside, Timmy’s eyes are actually quite intelligent and prettily rimmed in black.  He almost has that 1980s hair-band eye make-up thing going for him.  His white coat is spotted grey, with a dark grey cross along his spine.  Timmy has humongous ears and is always on alert. For those with large coyote populations on their farm, a donkey can be such a huge ASSett…..pun intended.  Donkeys will kick a coyote and other predators to the moon and will trample a rattle snake to pieces.  Having Timmy is a good thing since we have a few of that fragile species known as equus ferus caballus.  Yes.  We have a bunch of horses, and a few were “free.”  It is fortuitous that Timmy came to us to be their baby sitter.  His humongous ears hear things before any of our horses.  Horses can injure themselves in a padded cell, by the way, but that’s another story…So are the coyotes.  If I tell it all now, I’ll have nothing to tell you tomorrow.  I have no idea who “you” are, but if someone other than me is reading this, I hope you had a chuckle.  Stay tuned for more random musings from my farm in rural America.  Hmmmm….my husband is taking out Paris on his video game, and the computer just told him that he is a “villain who picks on the weak.”  Lol!  Should I be concerned by the maniacal laughter I hear coming from his lips? Tomorrow I’ll tell you why Lovely Lynette is laughing.   Stay tuned!
PS- I’ve corrected typing and grammatical mistakes so many times already that I’m exhausted. If you are reading this and see any mistakes, consider that I’ve left them there to stir things up a bit. You get bonus points if you can name them all. Good night and God bless!

Tiny Timmy in one of our pastures
Tiny Timmy in one of our pastures

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